It feels so suffocated to be in this family..
It feels so suffocated to live under the same roof..
It feels like we cant communicate any further..
no..i should rephrase..
Its been a long time since we can communicate properly..
Our mindset is really one north one south..
I couldnt catch both of your thinking..
I've never seen such unpredictable ppl like you two..
In a snap of finger..you can just twist what you have just said..
And push all kinda blame to me..
Well..its not like its the first time happening..
But at least there's been like a few months this has not happen..
The feeling has just started to grow as a stranger to me..
And now its coming back..
I know the reason behind it..
I know both of you wouldnt want or like to acknowledge the fact that..
Now i've someone else whom i cared for too..
And that i know both of you are again..testing me..
Testing my determination..
Trying to use the same old method to bring me down..
Where i would give up what i have now for both of you..
I know i've not been going home for dinner..
But that doesnt means you can put words into my mouth saying that i dont care for you..
And that in future i sure put both of you into nursing home..
Since when have i ever said such things?
So in your eyes..in your heart..after you have brought me up..
You see me as such a person..
Clearly..very clearly..both of you dont know me at all..
No doubt i'm your daughter but never once i truly feel that both of you understand me..
And that always apologizing after that becos you know you have hurt my feelings
Yet repeating it the next time..
Now you can see why i dont trust people to give promises..
The root of it..the root of the impact actually came from both of you..
Just you guys couldnt see it..
I managed to hide it so well..
Everyone thought i have wonderful parents who dote on me..
Bought things that i like for me..
But wonder and think...through those gifts..
Behind it..i get was mental torture..
And that a single mistake i made can condemm me for the rest of the year..
It makes you satisfied to see me feeling guilty..to see me crying..
Now...i choose to keep quiet throughout every session of nagging you give..
Every words that you say..i choose to swallow it down..
Cause i find it no point to argue like before..
It will onli make the matter worse..
I'm tired and sick of all this kinda stuff..
Just nag as much as you guys like...
I'm jus going to be very quiet...
Mayb one day i will explode..
Currently on the verge of breaking down..
But as usual..i hold on and never will i show you guys i'm weak..
Listening to: Wait for you
(this song..specially our song never fails to calm me down)
