=Perfectionist= Seeking for so call "P e r f e c t i o n"

Sunday, January 24, 2010

AM I NOT WORTH WHILE AT ALL?

Should i say
Expected?
Let me think
YES..
OBVIOUSLY
EXPECTED

Why should i bother asking in the first place?
To even DREAM that YOU will come
To even THINK that YOU will make time out
To even TAKE your so call PROMISE SERIOUSLY initally

Does it make a diff?
To let you know EARILER or LATER?
EARILER was what you expected me to do
So you can plan..
But yea again..
IT NEVER DID SUCCEED

EXCUSES?
AVOIDANCE?
NO CHOICE?
Maybe you really do not have a choice regarding your shift
Mayb you are not given a choice to choose
But did you request in the first place?
Maybe you did but i dont feel it
Because you have just merely put it in a 'nice way' and tell me
'You know i would have fall asleep if you were to ask me watch you perform'

If it is so hard for you to sit still and watch your daughter perform so be it
If it is so hard for you to understand what your daughter is doing so be it
JUST TELL ME STRAIGHT!
DONT GIVE ME FALSE HOPE!
DONT EVEN COME AND TELL ME TO ASK YOUR FRENS TO REPLACE YOU!
TO YOU IS IT THE SAME?
DO I KNOW THEM WELL?
IS THERE A NEED FOR THEM TO COME?
WHEN I JUST WANT YOU TO WATCH AND NO ONE ELSE!
When will you FARKING understand!

People tell me..
'You perform so well,your parents should watch and be proud!'
YEAH..
Tell that to them!
Dont tell me!
Not like i didnt try before

Again and again
Repetitive
Sick of it
Tired of it
Given up hope on it
Last chance of me enjoying my presence on stage
Has been nicely crushed by you
You make me feel that i am not even worth your attention
You make me feel that all my efforts over the years just to perform for you to see
IS NOT EVEN WORTH TO BE SEEN

Then why do i bother?
Why do i make so much effort to work so hard just to shine on stage

I HATE TO THE CORE
HATE the feeling of knowing my frens all have their parents supporting
BUT NOT ME!
But well, i actually should have gotten use to this feeling long time ago

It makes me feels that i'm not even worth to even invite my frens to watch me perform
So what do i do with my tickets?
THROW IT?
GIVE AWAY?
WAIT ?
and just see who would want to watch me perform?
I dont even dare to ask anyone now..
call it fear of rejection
But i am just so sick of all this stuff..

I should have just given up
DANCING
long long time ago

P.S : No comments needed

Perfectionist

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♥ 10:51 PM

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I promise i be strong
To hang on there
Even without you by my side physically
I promise to be a good gal

When will my PRCP ends?
36 more days to go
Counting down each day
All i can say is
JIAYOU!

And
13 more days to MUSICAL

Perfectionist

♥ 12:03 AM

Monday, January 11, 2010

BACK TO HOME!
Feeling happy, tired and cramps
Menses still not coming
ITS DUE!
Dont be too late again pls!
Dont make me suffer!

Waxing is no fun!
I'm not afraid of the pain
But i'm scare of the hotness of the wax!
Dislike that feeling n sensation on my skin
And it cause me $45
And in the end i do get nice legs
BUT
with rashes on it!
Tian!!!
See below!

opps nt very clear..but then there are really red dots!!!
My pores all get so sensitive now!

Ate Sakae sushi with soulmate aka bii bii for lunch
Alot of food actually but only the premium one that we love was taken

Went to Jurong Point after that and we were roaming around
Came across this brochure that shows all Jurong point shops
Browsing through and 'The Icing Room' caught our attention
And off we went in search of this mystery shop
Turn out to be a cake shop that allow customer to customize their cake
And hehe..
Playful thought came to our mind
We decided to do one cake for both of us
Totally love the cake ultimately
Though damn sweet

Reason for no flame?
-Because the flame exist in our hearts-
By: Phoebe Au

So that marks the end of our day
Fun and happy day i must say!
Thanks bii bii!

--------

On another note

You are my sunshine
I am your rainbow
You brighten up my day
I add colours to your day

No longer 'Sunshine with clouds'
Its now
'Sunshine with rainbow'

Perfectionist

♥ 11:57 PM

GOOD MORNING!!
=OFF DAY=
woke up at 11 today..
Ate a full breakfast
Later will be going down to bii bii workplace
And off we be going to buy pressie
And i wanna wax my leg!
Been growing 'forest'
oppss...=X sorry
HAA..
Hope it doesnt really hurt that much

Pudding getting fatter everyday
Been having ant attack for the past 1 month
All thanks to mummy
lazy to seal off pudding food
attracting red ants
leaving me to clean up in the middle of the night
I dont care, i'm not going to buy food for pudding
That contain IKAN BILLIS!!
It attract too much ants!!
Better choose carefully before i purchase

PRCP so far wasnt that bad nor great
My preceptor was ......
I dont know how to describe
Not very organize
but
efficient and kan chiong spider
But well i gotta use to her style
Just have to bear with it sometimes
Always looking forward to my off days
I'm famous for that..haha..
Another 1 n half mths more to go
JIAYOU!

Perfectionist

♥ 11:47 AM

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Having mood swings
Not feeling good
Doesnt want to move a single inch
Doesnt want to talk
Doesnt want to think
Doesnt want to do any work
Everything seems slow
Dragged my feet back home
Train ride was slow
Dont wanna have proper meal but just snacks
Even drinking seems hassal to me
Surprisingly even having the energy to blog right now
Tired? PMS?
Whatever reason
Just wanna sleep but body refuses to

Waiting for my body to shut down

Perfectionist

♥ 9:14 PM

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

This is taken personally from marina barrage on xmas day itself..
Nice picture huh?
Wasnt thinking much when i took this picture..
Was just purely absorbing in the nice view..
Taking down memories of it..
But..
lately..things hasnt been going smoothly for me..
Feeling quite sucky and F**k up with myself..
Only sis n bii will know..
What's up with me recently seriously..
Hormone pill side effects kicking in?
Been on the lousy mood side far too often..
Been having mood swing and affected easily..
Been easily paranoid and J******* keeps kicking in..
I am seriously trying to contain my feelings
But its unhealthy like what bii said..
But it dont sound that resonable also for my actions n words..
So what is the best way out..
C***** too much hurts my ****
Been having nightmare everynight..
Not sleeping well but eating well..
Weird n also did gain abit weight..
Nightmare of things i am fearing now..
Repeating itself again and again..
I hate it..Can i have my peace of sleep??
Heart been burnt with a hole..
With one sentence..
With two words..
it will really take awhile before the hole heals up..
Emo huh right my post..
Been too lazy to blog so result of all emo-ness ranted here..
Rainbows of my life has been covered..
Just like the picture itself i have taken..
'I see the sunshine, but its covered with clouds..where is the real light?'

Perfectionist..
See ya soon again..

♥ 12:45 AM